Tuesday, September 15, 2020


 As a child church was more of a stress than a haven or joy. There was always the stress of getting around for services because we had that "image" to maintain. Then, since my father didn't go to church, usually some kind of fight because it was only the two of us going. Church was another place I never seemed to fit in and not simply because I was a loner. Although we didn't move homes, we moved churches A LOT. My mother would find a church and at first it would be the best church ever but with time that would always change. She didn't like how they preached or what they believed or one church I remember us leaving because she didn't approve of the songs they sang. Even if I told her I liked one church or the other, still we switched. Eventually I fought her one church attendance and didn't go back until my older years. I love God and the purpose of His House, yet in my earliest years I felt more of a connection to him outside than I ever did inside.

Saturday, September 12, 2020

First Crush


Everyone has they're first crush. That first spark of feeling for someone because they find them attractive or funny etc. My first crush, we'll call him DL, was a boy in my class. Oh how much I liked DL lol. He'd walk into a room and I knew it, everything else seemed unimportant. He was cute and the fastest runner in our grade. Blue eyes, blonde hair, and a killer smile that made me jealous of anyone or anything it was directed at. I was hooked and when it came to him I was shy. And looking back I now feel dumb as hell whenever I think about him. We rarely talked and he never knew I liked him. Here I was, smitten over this boy who I didn't know more than two or three things about, calling it love. Foolish? For sure. I didn't learn that until much later and in a hard way. But that was usually the case, my family didn't talk about boys or girls unless it was juicy speculation or events. I remember asking my grandfather at sixteen what love was and soak in his words like a dry sponge. Anything else from anyone else, well "we just don't talk about those kinds of things." But DL moved away and I moved on to a new crush that crushed back lol.